![nytimes roxane gay alice nytimes roxane gay alice](https://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/73f7db959d0de3363667f25889d9f6ef466a3a0d/c=0-48-2560-1488/local/-/media/LafayetteIN/2014/11/28/B9315073271Z.1_20141128191539_000+GAS94NCFM.1-0.jpg)
Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the differences and then it becomes a self-fulfilling process. Now imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer…to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations. The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are. Acknowledging one’s privilege, in whatever respect, goes a long way in understanding the injustice in the world. I don’t have to act on my privilege but simply acknowledge it. If I had a one night stand and people found out, I would not be stigmatized. If I were walking down a dark alley, alone, I would be far less scared than a woman would be. I know if I came late at night, my parents would not be as concerned as, say, if my sister was late. But acknowledging the privilege that comes with it helps me develop empathy towards the ones who do not share the same privilege.
![nytimes roxane gay alice nytimes roxane gay alice](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61NDhcTuR8L.jpg)
Acknowledging one’s privilege doesn’t mean feeling guilty about it. Men, on the other hand, enjoy the privilege of their gender, not just when they are perpetrators of crime but otherwise too. I guess it is only in the sexual crimes that a victim is scrutinized more than the accused. You know how bad our colony is… how people will say we encouraged these men to follow us… even though we are innocent. The people around us would stare as if we had done something wrong. They would pass lewd remarks and offer us phone numbers. In the notes “the girls speak of fear and shame, of disrepute, of tongues wagging simply because young men had been following and harassing them” (Indian Express, August 27, 2014).Įveryday a new man would come and chase us. Yesterday two young women in Rohtak committed suicide because they were being stalked and harassed. But I have seen, heard and read so many first hand stories I cannot help but feel deep concern for these issues. I do not know how it feels like to be constantly under gaze, to face sexual harassment and domestic abuse, constantly being told to perform the gender role, to be portrayed as sexual objects in media, so on and so forth. I do not have first hand experience of all the problems that women face, because after all, I am not a woman. It also gave me the assurance that people who criticize feminism (not certain aspects of feminism but feminism as a whole) are so wrong. But it gave the words to everything that I have been thinking about for the past couple of years as far as women’s issues are concerned. The book did not offer me much as far as original ideas were concerned. But the underlying theme of all the essays is women’s issues. Gay touches upon diverse topics such as racism, her college life as a student and professor, Scrabble and well, feminism. In the book, Gay successfully interweaves personal experiences with critical viewpoints to present an eloquent rhetoric. Yesterday I finished Roxane Gay’s most recent book, Bad Feminist. I guess it was the night I became a feminist. It changed the way I started looking at the world.
![nytimes roxane gay alice nytimes roxane gay alice](https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2020-10/25/20/asset/7f4c4feba9f5/sub-buzz-3271-1603657219-28.jpg)
That night was a momentous event in my life. And I still had no idea sexual harassment/abuse was so pervasive, so all around me.
![nytimes roxane gay alice nytimes roxane gay alice](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0cf3533c8657645fbe55419d2d1cfd01/tumblr_p5p8ex3MRK1qe712j_og_540.jpg)
These were girls raised in normal circumstances and protective environments, and in the space that I cohabited. Actually, almost all of them had multiple stories. We were talking all through the night and there wasn’t a single girl who didn’t have a story to tell. It was dark, the train was moving at a steady pace and the girls were surprisingly candid that night probably because the group had developed a feeling of warmth and cosiness towards each other and there was an unspoken assurance of secrecy. Somehow the discussion shifted from ghost stories to stories of sexual harassment. There were 8-10 girls and just one other boy besides me in the group. At night a few of us had gathered in a coach to share ghost stories.